I like this picture better than I thought I would. I actually like it quite a lot. But every time I look at it, a question comes to mind… could it have been better? When I pull in my drive way after work, I often scan the front of the house. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. In the Spring, I like to see any flowers that are blooming. They make me smile.
This particular day, I pulled in and immediately stopped. Our normally green shrubs had a huge white flower right in the middle. I heard myself say, “How in the world?” Even though there was no one listening. I hurried to park and go back around before it got too dark to snap a picture of the stunning magnolia. What the actual fuck? How did this lone magnolia end up the in the middle of my shrub?
I hurriedly snapped a couple of pics and went inside to tell my husband. Have you seen this, I marveled!? He had briefly seen it when he drove up but hadn’t thought much of it. We went about our normal evening routine, and considered how this had happened. A seed had probably been dropped or blown over and a small magnolia tree was now growing in our landscaping. Which was probably his concern, more than the flower.
I continued to marvel at just how perfect it was and commented how I wanted to get a better picture. I mentally planned to do that after work the next day. See, I can be a creature of habit. I prefer structure. Especially days when I have bit more to do than others. For example, I try to exercise every other day. So, on the “on” day, I feel a little more rushed to get home and changed and get started. If it were up to me, I would have a bath and be in my pajamas at 5:10, but alas that rarely happens. The truth is, time after work just seems to be short so I’m not a fan of deviations.
This was one of those days. It had rained. I was a little later than usual, and I wanted to get my work out in. So… tomorrow would be the day. I was looking forward to it! The next morning before work it was still there in all it’s glory. As soon I got home, I would be able to play with the camera.
Ten hours later, I pulled in and my heart dropped. Magnolias will often begin to turn tan as they start to wilt and die. I had missed the moment. How quickly it had slipped away. I was so disappointed! It was so perfect! Why hadn’t I just grabbed the camera last night? The one on my phone was ok, but I had wanted to try a few angles and see what I could get.
It hit me in that moment how often I do that. I say, oh let me come right back. Feeling like I’m not passing a moment by, going so far as to convince myself that I am living in the moment. I mean I saw it, I stopped, I acknowledged. I even grabbed a couple of pictures. But… I was just delaying it…. Then it REALLY hit me… I delayed until it was more convenient. I felt myself sigh and my eyes roll. That’s not living fully. That’s trying to make moments fit my schedule.
Even though I was sad not to get a better picture, it was very eye opening and has left me re-evaluating not only how I approach those moments, but how routine and comfort play into the decisions I make. Letting go of that comfort, even for a moment, could have given me something I can’t get back now. Sure, other pictures will happen. Magnolias tend to be everywhere in the South. But not THAT one. Not THAT moment. No matter what comes around again, it won’t be the same.
Maybe the moment isn’t meant to wait for us.
What about you?
Where in your life are you saying “I’ll come back to that”?
What are you waiting to be more convenient?
What would it look like to choose the moment instead?
