We were lucky enough to see a Blue Angels show a couple of years ago. I’ve always been mesmerized by fighter jets for some reason. Not just planes, I am drawn to jets. The sleek designs. The way they cut through the sky with such precision. I think part of me is often also drawn to military people. Pilots in particular. There is a swagger that they have that is well… sexy. But it’s not just that. The swagger is mixed with the right amount of… something… I struggle to put the other part into words. Bravado? Reverence? Understanding? Calm in the face of danger. For many it’s a quiet strength, that somehow makes me feel safe.
When I was younger, I actually thought about joining the military, but I wanted to be a fighter pilot and back then women simply weren’t allowed. Plus, there’s that fear of flying thing… but that’s not the point. I wanted to be in that group. I don’t know if it’s the protector in me or maybe something from a past life, but the desire was there.
Obviously, that didn’t happen but fascination has never gone away. This show as the second we had seen. The first was the Thunderbirds. And of course, I’m obsessed with trying to get a good picture and so is my husband. Have I mentioned I am grateful we have multiple cameras to shoot with? The problem is, we really only have one good lens so we kept trading off cameras and I was getting super frustrated. Auto focus is often easier for me for things like this but the camera kept losing focus and generally not acting how I felt it usually performed or should perform. My typical response was, fucking camera!
In fact, there were moments where I would just put the camera down and give up for a moment, but giving up is not really in my nature. Besides if I gave up, I would miss this chance and the shot. The internal fight to say ‘fuck it’ versus, ‘this will not beat me’ was quite overwhelming at times. Maybe that mindset is part of what draws me to those pilots!
There were realizations that day. First, it wasn’t the camera. I mean it was, but the camera was doing what it does. It was focusing on the object closest to it. Or focusing on a certain part of the frame. It was the operator that was having trouble keeping up. It took timing and patience to be in the right moment at the right time and get the right click to get the picture. It also took trust in the equipment and myself. I had to relax…
We came away with some decent shots. And of course, the show was incredible.
A few days later I saw a video online of the pilots practicing. They were sitting in a conference room with their eyes closed going through the flight plan for that day. Even what would be called out on the radio and you could watch them moving their hands and feet just as they would in their planes. It was becoming muscle memory. But beyond that, the trust they have to have in so many people and in their aircraft is astounding.
The grounds crews have to have those planes in tip top shape. There can be no mistakes. Every person in that room has a job to do and they must do it with perfect timing with no mistakes. It is a horrible analogy in many ways, but it made me think of my fretting with my camera. I had to trust the camera and trust my instincts to get what I wanted. These guys but trust in each other with their lives. The truth is, it’s hard for me to imagine that kind of trust. But they also have to work extremely hard to get to these positions. These are the elite performers. It makes me think of the work they’ve put in. the sacrifice they make. I think they deserve the swagger they carry themselves with.
Now, look, my nerves couldn’t handle flying a precision jet, but what if we borrowed the lesson?
What if confidence isn’t something we’re born with?
What if confidence is simply trust that has been earned?
Those pilots don’t climb into the cockpit believing they are invincible. They climb in knowing how many hours they’ve practiced. How many mistakes they’ve learned from. How many people stand beside them. The confidence comes from the work.
Maybe that’s true for us too.
Maybe the confidence we’re searching for isn’t found in pretending to have all the answers. Maybe it’s found in showing up again and again until trust begins to grow. Trust in our skills. Trust in our instincts. Trust in our ability to figure things out.
The older I get, the more I realize that confidence doesn’t always look loud. You don’t have to look like a badass fighter pilot to have that confidence. Sometimes it looks like calm. Sometimes it looks like patience. Sometimes it looks like putting the camera back to your eye after a dozen missed shots and trying again.
Maybe that’s the real swagger.
Not believing you’re better than anyone else.
Believing you’ve done the work.
Believing you’ll keep doing the work.
And trusting yourself enough to step forward anyway.
Reflection
Where in your life have you earned more trust in yourself than you’re giving yourself credit for?
This week, notice the places where you already know more, have survived more, or have learned more than you realize. Instead of focusing on what you haven’t mastered yet, acknowledge the training you’ve already completed.
You may not be flying in formation at 500 miles an hour, but chances are you’re more capable than you think.
