I’ve been lucky to be able to travel for work several times. A few years ago, I attended a conference in Rhode Island. This was the farthest North I had ever traveled and I the area was lovely. Beautiful, with a quaintness and that northeastern charm. I really wanted to take advantage of the trip, as I knew going back might not be a possibility for some time. I decided I was going to stay an extra night and travel to one of the neighboring cities. I was close to Philadelphia, New York and Boston.
As one does at a weeklong conference, several of us got to know each other. We were spending our entire days together, including the workshops and dinners after. Often for a conference like this, you tend to travel somewhere close to your home, so if I recall, I was the only one who had traveled that far. I mentioned my plans to stay and the girls immediately jumped into helping mode. They asked me questions about what I wanted to see and do and had I ever been to any of these places before. I really had no firm plans, I just wanted to go explore! And, of course, I’ve been to metros before, but not like these. Dallas, Tampa, and St. Louis were probably the biggest I had ever done and they are very different.
The girls recommended Boston, as I could see more in one day and they felt New York would overwhelm me. Boston was kind of a New York light, in this instance. They went so far as to help me plan a bit. They told me how to handle taking the train, what ticket to buy and what station to get off at. It was so amazing to have that kind of help. It made my trip much easier and more relaxing with the knowledge they had given me.
Maybe it sounds strange, but I’m not sure what expected as far as how people would treat others there. You hear of Southern hospitality and it’s a very real thing. At least where I live. Helping someone you know is a no brainer. Helping a stranger can be as well. It’s just how we roll here. Here’s the thing, it’s not like I only know southerners. I know people from all over the country and they’ve always been super nice. Maybe a little different than what I’m accustomed to, but they are still nice. But, you hear these stories. I’ve actually been told to be careful when I talk to people from other areas… using words like ma’am and sir could actually be taken as an insult. So, I try to be mindful of how I interact with people and basically read the room, but I do that anyway. And to me, a lot of what we do in our area equates to basic human kindness, so I feel like that would happen everywhere, at least to some degree. And let me tell you, these girls proved to me I was right. They jumped in and helped in such a way that I felt like I was home!
My travel day arrived and off I went. It was quite an experience. I was enjoying it thoroughly. I didn’t have much of a plan, so I wandered. I bought a ticket to the “tourist” bus and rode around taking it all in. Since I knew that was available I hadn’t done of lot of planning, I figured I would just ride and get out wherever I felt inclined to look around. Maybe it was because I was in touristy areas, but everyone I encountered was quite lovely and friendly. I thought, “this is going pretty well. I can’t wait to bring my boys here. They will love the history!”
The one place I knew I wanted to see was the USS Constitution. We have visited a couple of ships around here and I wanted to get pictures to show my husband and son. I thought they would like to see it. Not planning, led me to a bit of dilemma when it came to lunch. Where the Constitution is located is away from downtown, etc and I was getting really hungry. I knew getting a bus back to the other areas could take an hour or more and I couldn’t wait that long to eat so I found a place that seemed nice near the harbor and decided to take a break from the sun and grab a bite. The place itself wasn’t all that busy, but the hostess seemed to suddenly have several things to take care of. I hadn’t waited too long before a group of young people walked in. They were late 20s or early 30s and I wondered if they might be on a lunch break or something. We had waited several minutes before the hostess returned and asked who was next. Me, not having not a care in the world, I said to the group, “I am no hurry at all, feel free to go ahead of me.”
The reaction was swift and biting. One of the girls literally snarled at me and said, “We don’t need your help! Just worry about yourself.” The rest of the group didn’t say anything but they didn’t correct her either.
I think I literally stepped back. It seemed so odd and so angry and there was zero obvious reason for that reaction. At that time, I was not in this healing journey yet, so my normal response would have been to be hurt and withdraw. But this time, something took me over and I looked her square in the eye and said, “Wow, I mean if that’s how you want to be, then fine.” Then I turned the hostess and said, “Yes, I’m ready to be seated.” Even she looked bewildered as to where such a visceral reaction was coming from.
Years ago, I probably would have spent the rest of the day wondering what I’d done wrong. But today I see it differently.
We rarely know what someone else is carrying. Maybe she’d had a terrible day. Maybe she was overwhelmed. Maybe she’s spent years believing the world wasn’t kind to her. I don’t know.
What I do know is this… Her reaction belonged to her. My kindness belonged to me.
A Soul Lens Practice
Moments like these are small, but they reveal a lot about us.
The next time someone catches you off guard, try asking yourself:
• Am I reacting to what’s happening right now… or to something this reminds me of?
• Is this really about me, or am I standing in the path of someone else’s storm?
• What story am I creating about this person? About this place? About myself?
Then take one slow breath before responding.
Sometimes that single breath is enough to keep someone else’s pain from becoming yours.
I went to Boston expecting to visit a bit of history and bring it back with me. Instead, I came home remembering moments and people.
Not because every interaction was perfect.
But because one moment of anger couldn’t erase dozens of moments of kindness.
Every day we have opportunities to become part of someone else’s story.
Sometimes we’ll be remembered for offering directions.
Sometimes for holding a door.
Sometimes for simply smiling at a stranger.
And sometimes… our greatest act of kindness is refusing to let someone else’s pain convince us the world is less beautiful than it really is.
Choose kindness anyway.
